Posts Tagged ‘ Kristen Stewart ’

The Entirely Arbitrary but Painfully Obvious Life Lessons of Film

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Here at Popcornography we feel it is important to teach. Often cinematic wisdom goes unnoticed or overlooked and it makes me sad.

With that said, Popcornography introduces its latest and most enlightening category – The Entirely Arbitrary but Painfully Obvious Life Lessons of Film. It is thus, with great pleasure, that Popcornography presents 15 lessons that may have been overlooked when watching some of these classic  films. I made a list. I love lists. Ahem;

1. Blair Witch Project

Don’t forget the tissues when you go camping. Nobody likes Mr Sniffles. Especially when taking distressed selfies with a camcorder.

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2. Lion King

Always be wary of creepy and disfigured relatives.

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3. Brokeback Mountain

Always be wary of your husband’s “fishing” buddies.

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4. Beauty and the Beast

Rose maintenance can be difficult. Try soil and water.

Beauty and the Beast Rose

5. Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Be wary of EXTENDED director’s cuts.  It will feel like YOU are taking the ring to Mordor.

Lord of the Rings demented

6. Dark Knight

If you want to be taken seriously, remember to enunciate. Muzzled villains repeat after me; “How now brown cow”.

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For the full Dark Knight Rises review, click HERE

7. Star Wars

Never be afraid of over-the-top hats. Fabulous.

AMIDALA

8. Scream

When indulging in flirtatious phone calls with strangers, remember to lock all doors. Drew forgot.

Scream

9. Twilight

Why are you even going to Kristen Stewart movies? Stop that.

10. Inception

This spinning top does not validate your intelligence. Does it fall? Does it continue spinning? No one cares.

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11. Kill Bill

It’s rude to interrupt weddings. There will be consequences.

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For the review of Kill Bill: Vol 1, click HERE

12. Se7en

Sometimes postal service will let you down. Chin up!

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For the full review of se7en, click HERE

13. Dirty Dancing

Avoid painful/unnecessary surgeries. Jennifer Grey learnt this the hard way. Nose jobs put Baby in the corner.

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14. Bridget Jone’s Diary

Never be caught in THAT pair of underwear.

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15. Titanic

Never trust old people with your valuables.

Valuable

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Snow White and The Huntsman

Strangely there seems to be a sudden surge of Snow White films on circuit. Snow White and the Huntsman had to hold its ground as it fell prey to a number of setbacks. Firstly it was released shortly after another Snow White film starring Julia Roberts entitled Mirror, Mirror which is a child-like take on the Grimm brother’s fairy tale which arrived first on circuit. Secondly SWATH had to deliver on the promises put forth by hype generated by the media for instance; the grandiose theatrical trailers as well as a Florence and the Machine music video (Breath of life) used as the films official soundtrack and which stirred interest in otherwise untapped consumer segments. SWATH is a prime example of how media hype can have devastating effects on films. However, despite this, SWATH still delivers on a large number of the promised elements and I ended up enjoying the spectacle despite numerous shortcomings.

Snow White and the Huntsman Theatrical Trailer:

The plot of SWATH is a relatively straight forward retelling of the original fairy tale. Newcomer, Rupert Sanders, however broadens the narrative considerably. The evil and power-obsessed Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron) is hell-bent on dominating as many kingdoms as she can. However, Snow White (Kristen Stewart) is destined to surpass her beauty (YA SURE) and thus challenge her claim to the throne. Anyway Snowy escapes into the creepy woods, Charlize gets angry and the movie plays out as expected. There are several eye-catching action sequences that ensue which are perfectly complimented by James Newton Howard’s powerful original score. God bless you James. However, other than this, the narrative is very linear and uninteresting. There are some half-hearted references to mystical prophecies, dwarves are thrown in awkwardly, and character motivations seem lacking. Snowy and Thor spend the majority of the movie merely surviving and thus the Queen is the only character with drive and ambition. Additionally Queen Ravenna’s backstory is the single novel contribution to the Snow White mythology.

Overall the film is presented beautifully. The film is eerie and many of the scenes can be awe inspiring, especially the fairy-land scenes which occur halfway through the film. The production design is top notch, and many scenes look like they were dragged directly out of concept illustrations. In general the film is just plain pretty and does well to establish the intended darker tone of the film.

CHARLIZE IS JUST SO HOT RIGHT NOW. The saving grace for SWATH is undoubtedly Charlize’s performance. Her performance is unsettling and wicked and she portrays the evil Queen sensationally. I really dislike Kristin Stewart but with that said she didn’t upset me as much as I thought she would. Chris Hemsworth as the huntsman did a fair job but I still have trouble viewing him without a huge silver hammer so soon after Avengers. However, I must reiterate that Charlize is spectacular and perhaps the sole reason to watch this film. The majority of the film just didn’t seem plausible because there is no way that buck-toothed Bella could surpass Charlize’s beauty. Like what the hell?! I think that there mirror is broken honey…

The trend these days is to merely repackage a familiar story in a darker and more mature way with the intent of causing the masses to flock. However, SWATH does deliver on a number of promises despite the considerable media hype.

Check out Florence and Machine – Breath of Life:

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